i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
