So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
