i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
