Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
