i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
