When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
