imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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