He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
