OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
