Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
