I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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