blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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