i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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