you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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