I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
