he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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