I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
