He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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