Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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