You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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