Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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