My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
