did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
