I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
