So drunk, too bad you don't want this
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
