omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
