I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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