from now on my penis is your penis
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
