I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
