awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
