it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
