Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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