Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Come see our sink grown plant.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
