Pappa wants mamma naked
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
