why didn't you poke me back
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
