My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
