why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
