I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
