It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
