i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
