I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
