So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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