Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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