I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
