...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
