Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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