I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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