I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
