You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
