??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
