After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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