I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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