I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
