A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
