You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
