Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
