you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
