sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
